sorry i havent posted in so long things have been chaotic!
But good news, i am finally back on track =)
today my intake was -10.5, yay!!!!!
i can already feel my tummy getting flatter =)
after having to eat so much over spring break (i went to san francisco, resturants with my family for EVERY MEAL) losing is easy!
Especially when i have two hours of lacrosse practice every tday. My coach is pushing us so hard to get us into shape. The effects are great!
Im re-reading wasted, i absolutley love that book!
If you havent been able to tell by all the exclamation marks and smiley faces, im in a great mood.
I hope you all are doing well!
<3
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I am back
Im back from the hospital and i feel so huge =(. I had to get new jeans today and i was size two! i used to be size zero, i feel disgusting!
Ive been having such trouble getting my diet back on track, after eating such much in the hospital my cravings are much worse. but i am determined, i will be thin, i will never give up.
<3
Ive been having such trouble getting my diet back on track, after eating such much in the hospital my cravings are much worse. but i am determined, i will be thin, i will never give up.
<3
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
shhh
still at the hospital, it's awful. But the silly doctors and nurses are leaving me alone for now so im using the computer outside to post a bit.
i really really hate this, they feed me until my stomach feels like it will explode and then some.
I dont know how much i weigh and it's killing me.
Two more days (hopefully) then im out. Im so glad this isnt normal IP for anorexic patients, they couldnt prove i have an ED because i eat when i need to, to prove to my family im fine. i said i had just lost some weight from lacrosse starting that was all. besides im huuuuuuge, how could i be anorexic?
My boyfriend wrote me a letter. I wish i was like him, he eats everything but i can still see all his bones. He doesnt even like bones =(. I love him but we're so different. maybe thats what makes us work for now, he is happy and tells me everything. Whereas i am quite often depressed and i hate sharing things.
Trust makes you vulnerable. My best friend and i told eachother everything. Then he went and told the councelor (3 times) and some girl who i hardly know because he was "concerned". He is a drama queen who just wanted attention. He is a hypocrite who calls himself a mormon and then embraces his sexual cravings. He is a lyer who acts one way around a certain person and then a different way around everyone else. He said he loved me, said i was like his sister then he betrayed me. His mistake was telling me all his secrets in exchange for some of mine. I am going to become painfully thin to prove to him i can, to show him that he has no contol over me.
sorry my rant is over now, this is a long post but i don't want to stop writing and go back to my hospital bed. I getting fatter, i can feel it wrapping around me, its suffocating. =( when i get away from this im going to starve like never before.
<3
i really really hate this, they feed me until my stomach feels like it will explode and then some.
I dont know how much i weigh and it's killing me.
Two more days (hopefully) then im out. Im so glad this isnt normal IP for anorexic patients, they couldnt prove i have an ED because i eat when i need to, to prove to my family im fine. i said i had just lost some weight from lacrosse starting that was all. besides im huuuuuuge, how could i be anorexic?
My boyfriend wrote me a letter. I wish i was like him, he eats everything but i can still see all his bones. He doesnt even like bones =(. I love him but we're so different. maybe thats what makes us work for now, he is happy and tells me everything. Whereas i am quite often depressed and i hate sharing things.
Trust makes you vulnerable. My best friend and i told eachother everything. Then he went and told the councelor (3 times) and some girl who i hardly know because he was "concerned". He is a drama queen who just wanted attention. He is a hypocrite who calls himself a mormon and then embraces his sexual cravings. He is a lyer who acts one way around a certain person and then a different way around everyone else. He said he loved me, said i was like his sister then he betrayed me. His mistake was telling me all his secrets in exchange for some of mine. I am going to become painfully thin to prove to him i can, to show him that he has no contol over me.
sorry my rant is over now, this is a long post but i don't want to stop writing and go back to my hospital bed. I getting fatter, i can feel it wrapping around me, its suffocating. =( when i get away from this im going to starve like never before.
<3
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