today during lacrosse, i collasped. they made me go to the doctor my weight had dropped since 110 this morning to 108. Making my bmi "anorexic". They are making me stay in the hospital for a week or longer to watch my weight and help it go up, not IP but i have to see a councelor and eat three meals and 2 snacks a day. I cant't believe this, im not even thin yet. I'll need you all so much more when i get back<3
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Memento Mori
uggh so i havent had any junk food in the last three days which feels great
but ive been eating TWO meals a day over the weekends, like a normal person. But im not a normal person, i dont have a normal metabolism, or body, or mind set so this needs to stop.
8 days 'til i can put my plan into action =) lacross has alreay started (we practice in the snow...yay)
but i still need a new scale and pills then i shall be all set =)
i have a date tonight which normally i'd look forward to but i feel huge =( so when he touches my stomach im going to hate myself.
Stay Strong everyone
<3
but ive been eating TWO meals a day over the weekends, like a normal person. But im not a normal person, i dont have a normal metabolism, or body, or mind set so this needs to stop.
8 days 'til i can put my plan into action =) lacross has alreay started (we practice in the snow...yay)
but i still need a new scale and pills then i shall be all set =)
i have a date tonight which normally i'd look forward to but i feel huge =( so when he touches my stomach im going to hate myself.
Stay Strong everyone
<3
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
sic transit gloria
i feel like ive lost a pound or two. maybe my body is tricking me, dream gratification?
wish i knew but my scale is is still broken *sigh*.
oh well i will carry on! =) ive decided to go 30 days without junk food starting tomorrow and ending march 20th.
Junk food:
candy
chips
crackers
anything greasy or fried
ice cream
soda
cake
brownies
cookies
fast food (not really an issue, im vegetarian and not many fast food places cater to that)
this'll be great, junk food always makes me feel so disgusting after eating it. Plus it has tons of fat. though anything made of wheat is fairly fattening too, so if i must eat wheat, it'll be whole grain.
some reverse thinspo, sorry if it offends anyone i just find it very helpful.
this looks like me after i eat =(
stay strong
<3
wish i knew but my scale is is still broken *sigh*.
oh well i will carry on! =) ive decided to go 30 days without junk food starting tomorrow and ending march 20th.
Junk food:
candy
chips
crackers
anything greasy or fried
ice cream
soda
cake
brownies
cookies
fast food (not really an issue, im vegetarian and not many fast food places cater to that)
this'll be great, junk food always makes me feel so disgusting after eating it. Plus it has tons of fat. though anything made of wheat is fairly fattening too, so if i must eat wheat, it'll be whole grain.
some reverse thinspo, sorry if it offends anyone i just find it very helpful.
this looks like me after i eat =(
stay strong
<3
Monday, February 15, 2010
on to the next one
ok i have a new game plan =)
first off lacross is starting in less than a week so that is guarenteed to burn some calories plus ill have no time to binge between that and band and school.
Second i get my license in 13 days!!!! so im going to borrow my dad's car drive up to walmart and purchase some laxatives, diet pills (im thinking alli, ive heard it works quite well), caffine pills (i get so tired) and a new scale (mine is broken ugh its very frustrating).
So i have a perfect place to hide the pills but the scale will be tricky, ill manage though.
From now on 500 is my max calorie intake, ive been going with 800 but it feels too big.
im going to excercise more, i know i can get away with a n hour a day on the nordic track (burns a little over 400 calories). I love the way excercising feels =)
im so excited!!!
hope everyone is doing this well.
<3
first off lacross is starting in less than a week so that is guarenteed to burn some calories plus ill have no time to binge between that and band and school.
Second i get my license in 13 days!!!! so im going to borrow my dad's car drive up to walmart and purchase some laxatives, diet pills (im thinking alli, ive heard it works quite well), caffine pills (i get so tired) and a new scale (mine is broken ugh its very frustrating).
So i have a perfect place to hide the pills but the scale will be tricky, ill manage though.
From now on 500 is my max calorie intake, ive been going with 800 but it feels too big.
im going to excercise more, i know i can get away with a n hour a day on the nordic track (burns a little over 400 calories). I love the way excercising feels =)
im so excited!!!
hope everyone is doing this well.
<3
Friday, February 12, 2010
it's like being in love
ugh i feel gross i ate too much
people kept giving me early birthday presents with candy in them =(
as punishment ill excercise more and upload pictures or what i look like currently.Feel free to use them as reverse thinspo, sorry if they are disturbing.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
somethings missing
I am not going to go downstairs and eat all the cookies those cute little girl scouts delivered in order to destroy me. 170 calories for two tiny cookies! it's not worth it...
or so I'm telling myself =)
Today has been a success i suppose, Ive eaten some crackers, pistachios, low cal soup, and fruit.
That sounds like a lot but some "friend" told the counselor, who then told my parents, that i hadn't been eating lunch. So to ease their suspicions Ive been stuffing myself when they are around.
I hate it when people tell secrets. Ive started to not trust anyone, it makes you to vulnerable.
Now I'd like to say im sorry for the atrocious spelling and punctation of this blog. If you're readin anyways thank you.
<3
or so I'm telling myself =)
Today has been a success i suppose, Ive eaten some crackers, pistachios, low cal soup, and fruit.
That sounds like a lot but some "friend" told the counselor, who then told my parents, that i hadn't been eating lunch. So to ease their suspicions Ive been stuffing myself when they are around.
I hate it when people tell secrets. Ive started to not trust anyone, it makes you to vulnerable.
Now I'd like to say im sorry for the atrocious spelling and punctation of this blog. If you're readin anyways thank you.
<3
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Likes/dislikes
This is what i want to look like, i think she is perfect!
I hate
how my thighs touch
the size of my stomach
the fat around my arms and hips
I love
seeing bones
feeling empty
feeling pure
I didn't mention in my last post but i self injure and have been doing that for five years now
stay strong
<3
Haley
Hello
So this is my first blog and I'm not sure if anyone will read it but it's nice to think someone's listening.
i should start out by telling you about myself.
My name's Haley, i have the behaviors of some one with anorexia but i am not anorexically thin (yet). My current stats are:
Height: 5'6
HW: 128
Cw:111
Lw:110
Gw:90 or 80 (ill decide when i get there)
Ive been this way since last year, one of my best friends who had recently become my boyfriend died unexpectedly from a blood clot. At first i didnt eat anything, then i ate everything and gained alot of weight. I have gotten rid of most of what i gained and somehow i feel like im even bigger. Thats going to change though =)
<3
i should start out by telling you about myself.
My name's Haley, i have the behaviors of some one with anorexia but i am not anorexically thin (yet). My current stats are:
Height: 5'6
HW: 128
Cw:111
Lw:110
Gw:90 or 80 (ill decide when i get there)
Ive been this way since last year, one of my best friends who had recently become my boyfriend died unexpectedly from a blood clot. At first i didnt eat anything, then i ate everything and gained alot of weight. I have gotten rid of most of what i gained and somehow i feel like im even bigger. Thats going to change though =)
<3
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