shhh

still at the hospital, it's awful. But the silly doctors and nurses are leaving me alone for now so im using the computer outside to post a bit.
i really really hate this, they feed me until my stomach feels like it will explode and then some.
I dont know how much i weigh and it's killing me.
Two more days (hopefully) then im out. Im so glad this isnt normal IP for anorexic patients, they couldnt prove i have an ED because i eat when i need to, to prove to my family im fine. i said i had just lost some weight from lacrosse starting that was all. besides im huuuuuuge, how could i be anorexic?

My boyfriend wrote me a letter. I wish i was like him, he eats everything but i can still see all his bones. He doesnt even like bones =(. I love him but we're so different. maybe thats what makes us work for now, he is happy and tells me everything. Whereas i am quite often depressed and i hate sharing things.

Trust makes you vulnerable. My best friend and i told eachother everything. Then he went and told the councelor (3 times) and some girl who i hardly know because he was "concerned". He is a drama queen who just wanted attention. He is a hypocrite who calls himself a mormon and then embraces his sexual cravings. He is a lyer who acts one way around a certain person and then a different way around everyone else. He said he loved me, said i was like his sister then he betrayed me. His mistake was telling me all his secrets in exchange for some of mine. I am going to become painfully thin to prove to him i can, to show him that he has no contol over me.

sorry my rant is over now, this is a long post but i don't want to stop writing and go back to my hospital bed. I getting fatter, i can feel it wrapping around me, its suffocating. =( when i get away from this im going to starve like never before.
<3